Fathers and sons

 

FATHERS AND SONS

 

HE WHO BEGOTTEN A SON IS NOT YET A FATHER,

A FATHER IS HE WHO BEGINS A SON AND MAKES HIMSELF WORTHY OF HIM.

                                                                  (Fyodor Dostoevsky)

Stratford-upon-Avon

December 23, 1930

 

 

I wasn't feeling too well that day. I was seven months into my third pregnancy, which had been pretty quiet up until that point. Terence had to go to the theater for the last show of the year, then he would have a short vacation to spend the Christmas holidays with his family.

The show was scheduled for the afternoon and then there was to be a reception to exchange good wishes. I remember that Terence didn't want to go, but I insisted. I was very sorry I couldn't go with him, but I felt really tired. Reluctantly he agreed to go without me, promising me that he would be back very soon. He gave me a kiss and went out. I watched him as he went down the stairs and then got into the car: he was beautiful as always! I felt a pang of jealousy knowing that all the women at the reception would be devouring him with their eyes, but it was only a moment because the love he showed me every day since we met again left no room for doubt about his faithfulness.

I had dinner with the children. Terence Junior was already five years old and, despite his name, he looked just like his mother: light, curly hair, a cute little nose covered in freckles that matched perfectly with two wonderful blue eyes inherited from his father. Unlike his parents who had been real rascals, TJ was a very quiet child and older than his age, despite having been conceived during a hurricane.

Noah, the second-born, was just over three years old: chocolate-colored hair and green eyes, unlike his brother he was a real earthquake. He loved hiding and more than once he had scared us because we couldn't find him. Terence got angry with him and scolded him, but in the end his green eyes always managed to enchant him, at least until the next prank.

In the last few months we had hired a nanny, especially to help me with the children when I would have given birth and I would not have been able to dedicate myself to them completely as I did now. So, to get them used to her presence, she had already moved in with us for some time.

After Claire had gotten them ready for bed, I went to their room to read a story, something Dad usually did, obviously much better than me at interpreting stories of ladies and knights.

- Children, you'll have to make do with mummy for this evening, daddy will be back late!

Noah seemed to appreciate the change of plans and immediately snuggled up next to me as soon as I sat down on his bed. TJ, on the other hand, joined us sulking, as he couldn't stand that his father wasn't with us when it was time to go to sleep. He absolutely adored Terence and did everything he could to make him proud of him. The older he got, the more he developed the same passion for theater. The times I took him to see a show, he was literally spellbound and I often heard him muttering to himself some lines his father had taught him.

After saying goodnight to them, I went to sleep too, but I couldn't fall asleep right away. I had been feeling small contractions for a few hours, light and sporadic, but they didn't make me feel calm. I had spoken about it on the phone with Dr. Johnson, who had reassured me, saying that it was still early, advising me to rest a bit. I hadn't said anything to Terence so as not to alarm him unnecessarily. In previous pregnancies he had always been very careful about my health, sometimes exaggerating because in reality I had been lucky and our two children had been born without problems. He was present at both TJ's and Noah's births and it had been a great help to have him by my side. During labor I made absurd requests of him, for example to recite a sonnet or we recited the dialogue from Romeo and Juliet together on the balcony, at least until the pain no longer allowed me to speak.

I started reading to distract myself while I waited for Terence to come home. The next day was Christmas Eve, my favorite holiday. I thought about the tree that the children of Pony's Home would surely decorate, Miss Pony's sweets, and the carols that Sister Lane had us prepare for Christmas Eve. I hadn't seen them in a long time and every now and then I felt homesick. Terence had promised me that as soon as we could we would spend a vacation in La Porte.

I hadn't even fallen asleep when I heard his car drive up the driveway. It was the noise I loved the most because it meant he was coming into the house and no matter what I was doing he was going to hug me and kiss me. But that night I knew right away that something was wrong when I heard the door slam violently.

 

 

Royal Shakespeare Theatre

a few hours before

 

After the fire that had almost completely destroyed it in 1926, the Royal Shakespeare Theatre had been rebuilt and reopened to the public that year, opening the season with my King Lear. For the first time in a long time I had returned to the stage, taking on the difficult task of being both director and protagonist. The show I had proposed was going very well and had been sold out that evening too. I couldn't really complain, since every play by the Bard that I had followed since I had been at Stratford had always been a huge success.

The reception that followed was attended by many illustrious figures from the English cultural world, intellectuals from Oxford but also politicians and wealthy entrepreneurs from London. I stopped just long enough to eat something and sign the usual endless series of autographs. I had already agreed with the theater manager that I would not give any speeches that evening and so I rose from the table intent on heading to the cloakroom to get my coat and leave.

- Hey Terence, are you leaving already?

- Yes John, excuse me everyone but I'm really very tired this evening – I replied turning to my actors.

- Don't apologize... we know very well that you can't stand being away from Candy any longer!

I smiled at John's ironic remark, knowing full well that he was right. I couldn't wait to get back to her!

- Good night guys and Merry Christmas!

- Thanks Terence, you too – John replied, hugging me affectionately.

The director announced that Terence Graham was leaving the reception, so my exit from the room was accompanied by loud applause, followed by a murmur of prolonged disappointment as, after bowing to the audience, I disappeared into the dark corridor that would lead to the exit.

It was very cold that night, the weather forecast had announced probable snowfall in the following days. This did not worry me at all, on the contrary, I was already looking forward to finally being able to enjoy for a few days the warmth of my home together with my wife and children who often complained about their father's absence.

After getting my car keys back, I was putting on my coat when I heard someone calling my name.

- Terence Grandchester, what a surprise!

I didn't immediately recognize that voice, but the fact that he had used my family name to address me made me suspicious and when I turned around I immediately understood the unpleasant sensation I had felt and pretended not to know who he was.

- Do we know each other?

- It's impossible that you don't remember me, if you had stayed in London instead of leaving for America you certainly wouldn't have become the great actor you are. You should thank me, you know!

- Actually your shrill voice hasn't changed at all! As for thanking you, I think I already did it when I left London and in the best way possible!

- You were very young and impulsive back then, I'm more than sure you regretted being so rude to me!

- What? I should be sorry for spitting in your face, don't make me laugh! Do you know what I bitterly regret, saving you that day in Scotland, I should have let you drown! What are you doing here in Stratford?

- How come you don't know? All the papers have talked about my marriage to Sir Thompson, a nobleman... like you. I'm on my honeymoon in Europe, after England we'll go to France and then to Italy. My brother Neal is also in London on business, he's always traveling, after all he's a free man... poor thing, he's never recovered since... well, since Candy left him. He's a very sensitive boy...

- What are you saying?

- What, you don't know? I can't believe it... didn't the dear little wife tell you? Neal and Candy were engaged and were almost on the verge of getting married, then my family found it unacceptable and forced Candy to leave him, but it wasn't easy at all because she didn't want to know about it...

- Eliza, I advise you to end this conversation immediately or I will not think twice about saying hello to you again like I did at St. Paul School! You should take back what you said immediately, you are lying and you know it!

- It's not me you should be angry with, but rather your wife... she's the one who didn't tell you anything, I think that's clear!

Luckily for her, her husband intervened at that very moment to ask her to dance, otherwise I don't know how that conversation would have ended.

- It was a pleasure Terence, say hello to your wife for me and… Merry Christmas!

Eliza walked away on Sir Thompson's arm, leaving me shocked, with a feeling of disgust and anger that only the Lagan brothers could inspire in me. I walked to the car, feeling a cold wind penetrating my bones. I returned home, the drive was short, but all the time the words of that viper continued to ring in my ears: "Neal and Candy were engaged and were almost married." It was impossible, I couldn't believe it! If Candy had never told me about it, it was simply because there was nothing to say, it was a shameless lie invented by Eliza... was it possible that she still hated us so much?

I entered the house and I don't know why it came naturally to me to slam the door. I glanced towards the stairs that led upstairs, the light was filtering through from our room, maybe Candy was still awake. I went up. I didn't want her to notice my agitation, but as soon as she saw me she immediately realized that something was wrong, I didn't know how to pretend with her.

- Terence, is everything okay?

- Everything's fine, I'm going to take a shower - I answered almost without looking at her, hoping for the relaxing effect of the hot water.

Actually I didn't even get into the shower, I went back to the room and...

- You'd never guess who I met at the reception tonight!

- Who?

- Eliza Lagan! – I replied sitting on the bed next to her.

- What's up Terry? - she asked me with a worried look immediately after hearing that name.

I didn't have the courage to speak, I didn't want to doubt Candy in any way, I had no reason to, but the idea that Neal could have even touched her made me sick to my stomach. So without warning I told her what Eliza had told me.

Candy looked at me seriously and didn't deny it.

I thought I was about to die!

I jumped out of bed and turned my back to her and asked her why she had never told me about it, feeling a wicked rage taking over my mind. Candy got out of bed and came over to me, taking my hand. I reacted rudely, shouting at her not to touch me.

- Tell me it's not true! Tell me Candy! - I screamed, begging her.

- Listen to me Terence, please… if you calm down I can try to explain to you how things went…

- Calm down? I should calm down? You were engaged to that disgusting Neal and I should stay calm according to you? And I had to find out from Eliza! How do you think I felt in front of her? She realized that I didn't know because my wife thought it best to hide it from me! I told you everything about Susanna and me, every little detail and you instead? How many other things have you hidden from me Candy?

My screams woke the children. TJ appeared in the room scared, while little Noah had started whimpering in his crib.

- TJ go back to your room immediately, this is not the time to stay awake! – I scolded him.

The child looked at me petrified, trying not to cry. Luckily the nanny came to get him to take him back to bed.

- Terence now you are really exaggerating, it happened a long time ago and if you listened to me you would understand that…

- There's no way Candy that you've never told me about this… just the thought of you and Neal… oh God!

- Calm down please, stop screaming and listen to me.

- No, I'm not calming down and I'm not listening to you, I can't do it now, I can't do it... it's better that... I go!

- What are you talking about? Where do you want to go at this hour? Are you crazy!

I heard her call my name several times as I ran down the stairs, before closing the door behind me.

 

*****

 

I returned at dawn. Exhausted and frozen.

I had gone out of town, driving for at least a couple of hours, finally taking refuge in a café to try to clear my head.

It was the first time in five years of marriage that Candy and I had argued like that. I had never yelled at her like that. As the hours passed, I felt my anger evaporate and my guilt toward her increase. I shouldn’t have attacked her like that without even letting her speak. I had been an idiot, allowing Eliza’s words to come between us again.

If there had really been something with Neal, Candy would have told me for sure. There had to be an explanation, and it was probably the Lagans who had organized everything. I remembered that their financial situation had not been the best for a long time, after all Candy was part of the Ardlay family, whose assets had not been affected in the least by the crisis due to the war events that had also involved the United States. Surely economic reasons must have pushed the Lagans to start up that story.

I got back in the car and rushed home. I could never have imagined the nightmare that awaited me.

As soon as I entered the living room I saw Claire coming towards me with a distraught face. When I asked her about it she told me that shortly after our argument the lady had felt ill and was now in the hospital.

- What does “felt bad” mean?

- The contractions increased, she told me to call Dr. Johnson and he ordered her to go immediately…

- Like the contractions? It's still early… it's not possible…

- Excuse me sir, I tried to look for it, but I didn't know where…

- Don't worry Claire, think about the children...

I rushed to the hospital, trying not to think the worst. I tried in every way to believe that it was just a false alarm, after all there had never been problems with the other pregnancies... but the fact that we had argued like never before made me fear that this was the right punishment for how I had treated her.

When I met the doctor in the corridor, his face appeared to me like a terrible sentence!

- David what's happening? Where's Candy?

He looked at me seriously and taking me by the shoulders told me to follow him. He led me into his study, motioning for me to sit down.

- I don't want to sit down… I want to know how Candy is and I want to see her now! – I shouted at him.

- Now sit down and listen to me. Try to calm down or I won't let you see it! - he answered me in a calm but firm voice.

David was not only a doctor to us, but also a friend. He and his wife Ilary often visited our house and the year before we had spent the summer holidays together in Scotland. I trusted him. I obeyed and sat waiting for him to speak.

He didn't stay behind the desk as he usually did but sat down next to me, then tried to explain to me what had happened.

- Candy called me around two o'clock this morning telling me that the contractions had increased and that she wasn't feeling well. She seemed very agitated and scared, I immediately sent an ambulance to pick her up. As soon as I visited her I understood that there was no time to waste, the birth was now imminent.

- But it's too early...

- I know… but there was a problem Terence, an internal hemorrhage triggered the contractions, luckily I would say otherwise the baby would not have survived.

- Did you say the little girl?

- Yes, it's a girl this time. We are doing all the tests to evaluate the development of her internal organs. She is very small, but she seems fit!

- Oh God thank you! Can I see Candy now?

David's face darkened, a cold shiver suddenly ran down my spine, I stared at him with wide eyes, without breathing.

- Terence, you have to be strong now – he said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I couldn't speak.

- The hemorrhage is not only dangerous for the fetus, but also for the mother. Candy has lost a lot of blood, we are doing everything we can, but at this time I cannot assure you that she is out of danger.

- It's not true, it's not possible… not her, not my Candy!

- Terence listen to me, I know it's hard but she needs you. You always told me that Candy saved your life, right?

- Yes that's right… the first time I met her in the middle of the ocean she saved me!

- Now it's your turn!

- I'm not as good as her... before she felt bad we argued, I told her some absurd things, it's my fault if now...

- Don't be silly, all couples argue!

- I shouldn't have…

- I don't know why you argued but this is not the time to think about it. If you want to help her you must immediately wipe that expression off your face. You are a great actor, this will never be more useful to you than now!

- I can't do this, Candy will immediately notice that I'm acting…

- Then try your best! Look at me Terence, I repeat, Candy needs you!

- I can't lose her David, I can't!

- She doesn't want to lose you either, she's been asking about you all the time.

I tried to regain control, to calm down just enough to not collapse in front of my wife. I asked David to be completely honest with me and he explained in detail what her condition was: Candy was very weak and at the moment the situation was stationary, but what worried him most was the risk of infection that could make things worse. Before taking me to her, he showed me the baby. She was very small, wrapped in a pink blanket. David was sure that Candy would ask me about the little girl that she had not seen, because after giving birth she had lost consciousness.

- You have to tell her that you saw the little girl and that she is fine. Try to be convincing, I'm sure that if you tell her, she will believe it!

- Agree.

Standing in front of the door of his room I felt like I was on the edge of a precipice. It would take a great leap to get to the other side, we would have to do it together, holding hands.

 

*****

 

I entered the room with David who, seeing me hesitate, encouraged me to approach the bed where Candy was lying motionless. I took a few steps and sat up, I felt my legs shaking and for a moment I risked not being able to stand.

The doctor explained to me that Candy was sleeping, he had given her some painkillers and these, in addition to the weakness, had probably made her a little dazed.

- He should wake up soon, he'll be happy to find you here. I'll leave you two alone, Terence, don't talk too much or get agitated. There's a nurse in the next room, whatever you need, call her and she'll let me know right away, okay?

- All right.

David headed for the door and before leaving – Terence, try to smile when he wakes up – he said to me.

I nodded, giving a shy smile.

I was left alone with her. I didn’t even have the courage to look at her. I felt the tears pressing to come out, my throat tight in a vice. I swallowed, trying to push back the terror that I felt dangerously invading every fiber of my being. I thought about David’s words, about how much Candy needed me in that moment. I sighed deeply and put my hand on hers lying on the white sheet. She was cold.

I raised my face to look at her. She was so pale that even her freckles had disappeared, only a few remained here and there. Under her closed eyes were two dark shadows that I had never seen before.

 

Forgive me my love, forgive me please. I have been an idiot and this is the result, but you can't leave me, you can't... you know that I am nothing without you! If I think that while you were here and gave birth to our little girl, I was walking around doubting your sincerity... how stupid...

My God please don't take her away from me, I beg you... I'll do anything... I've never been very religious, I know, I have no right to ask you for anything, but she... you know her, Candy is too beautiful a creature to leave this world...

 

- Terry… are you here?

I heard her murmur in a voice so thin that I could barely recognize her. She who always had such a cheerful and ringing tone, now I could barely hear her words.

- Yes Candy I'm here – I replied bringing her hand to my lips and moving closer to her.

His eyes opened slowly and the emerald green of his irises appeared to me as if hidden behind an opaque veil, despite this, when they met mine, they seemed to smile.

- What happened? I can't remember…

I gathered all my courage and told her more or less how things had happened.

- A little girl? Have you seen her, how is she?

- I saw her my love, she is very small but David says she is strong, like her mother. She is beautiful!

- If she's beautiful then she looks like you.

Smiles. She was the only woman who could embarrass me.

- Why do I feel so strange? I haven't felt this way before... what's going on Terry, tell me the truth, please.

- Now you just have to rest, don't worry my love, everything is fine. Try to sleep.

Candy seemed to nod off again. I leaned over her and brushed her lips with a kiss.

I stayed by her side all day, never leaving her side for a moment. At regular intervals a nurse came to check her temperature, which had risen slightly. Candy would wake up every now and then without speaking, look at me and fall back into a torpor. David also came to visit her several times. He told me that everything seemed to be going well and that her half-asleep state was normal, in fact it was a good thing that she was resting as much as possible.

- Every now and then he opens his eyes but he doesn't say anything - I told him worried.

- Just seeing you is enough for her to calm down, she doesn't need to talk, your presence is enough for her.

The sun had already set when I heard her say my name again, then she turned to me.

- Are you still here?

- Where do you think I should be?

- You have to go home, it's late, the children will wonder what happened to their parents.

- I'm not leaving you here alone, I'm not even thinking about it.

- Terry… please, it's Christmas Eve… go to them.

At that moment the doctor appeared, invited me to leave the room and told me the same thing.

- You've been here all day and I assume you didn't sleep a wink last night, you'd better go home and get some rest.

- Forget it David, I'm not leaving!

- Terence you are a husband but you are also a father and your children are waiting for you.

I thought about TJ and Noah, for the first time they had gone all day without seeing each other, they must have been scared.

- All right, I'll go home, put them to bed and come back. But if anything goes wrong, you let me know right away!

- All right, I promise. But you have to eat something, otherwise I'll have to hospitalize you too.

I went back to Candy and told her I would only be gone for a short while. I kissed her and she smiled at me. With that image in my heart I found the strength to leave the hospital and go home.

As soon as I entered the living room, TJ came towards me, walking slowly. He was wearing a pair of green and red checked pajamas that Candy had bought him for Christmas Eve. When he was close enough, I bent my legs to be at his height and he threw himself into my arms without saying a word. I held him as tight as I could and realized that in that hug, it was he who gave me strength and not the other way around. When he pulled away, he asked me about his mother. I told him that she was in the hospital because his little sister had been born and that they would both be home soon. Then I kissed him, ruffling his hair with my hand as I always did. At that moment, little Noah came running like a fury, having escaped from the arms of the nanny who was trying in vain to retrieve him. Tugging at his favorite teddy bear by the ear, he reached me and greeted me with a big smile, shouting “dady”. I lifted him off the ground and made him fly high above my head. He looked at me laughing, with his big green eyes identical to Candy's.

- How are you, sir?

- Pretty good Claire, have the kids eaten yet?

- Yes.

- Well, I'll take care of putting them to bed and then I'll go back to the hospital.

I took them to their room and stayed with them for a while, talking about the gifts that Santa Claus would drop from his sleigh that night. Noah fell asleep almost immediately, while Tj couldn't sleep. That child had a special gift, he seemed to understand much more than what was said to him, through the eyes he could read a person's heart.

- Are you just tired, Dad, or are you also worried? - he asked me from under the covers.

I didn't know what to answer and he continued.

- Mom says that when I'm worried about something I can say a prayer and then Jesus will take care of me. I don't know if it works with dads, but I think you could try.

- I will, son, you gave me great advice. Now go to sleep, goodnight.

- Good night, Dad.

As I left the children's room, I noticed only then that I was still wearing the tuxedo from the night before. I went to our room and quickly changed, unable to bear the image of that empty bed. I went down to the kitchen, ate a bite to at least avoid passing out, and after giving Claire some directions, I returned to the hospital.

 

*****

 

Candy was discharged from the hospital after almost a month, she had lost a lot of weight and could barely stand. She had to use a wheelchair to leave the room. The whole department was there to say goodbye to her, even immobilized in a bed she had managed to win everyone over, as usual!

- I think the nurses are only here to admire you one last time! - she told me, convinced that I was the reason they were gathered in the corridor.

I shook my head smiling at her, then I thanked everyone from the first to the last, it seemed like I was finally coming out of a nightmare. Doctor Johnsonn, David, hugged me emotionally. He knew in great detail what I had been through because often, in those difficult days, I had confided in him and he had had the patience to listen to me and the ability to understand me even when I didn't want to talk. He told me not to thank him because he had only done his duty, but he was wrong. He had certainly been much more than a doctor for Candy and me, we would never forget what he had done for us.

After about two months we brought our Pauline home: she was still small and in need of special attention, but the worst was over. Candy had nicknamed her “little tiger” because she said we were as alike as two peas in a pod. Her brothers welcomed her with suspicion at first; after all, it was her fault that their mother had been away for so long. When it was possible to take them to the hospital to visit her, they threw themselves on Candy and did not want to leave her. We all ended up crying, including me.

Little by little we were getting back to our normal life even though we were still struggling to completely shake off the anxiety and fear we had felt. I especially treated Candy as if she were a porcelain doll, I hardly dared to touch her because she still seemed so weak and fragile. I was used to seeing her as the strongest woman in the world, much stronger than me, it had always been like that since the first moment I had met her. Now instead I feared that even the smallest breath of wind could hurt her. Also for this reason, since she had returned home, we slept in separate rooms. The doctor had told me to go slowly, Candy's body had been under a lot of stress, it would take at least a couple of months for everything to go back to its place. I knew well the effect my wife had on me, so I had preferred to move into the next room. She had accepted this situation the first few days because she was still very tired, she tired easily and in the evening she collapsed, falling asleep very early. But after a few weeks he began to send me unmistakable signals that I found increasingly difficult to reject.

One afternoon I had gone to the theater to do some work (I hadn't fully recovered yet), and I was discussing with John and a couple of other actors some parts of the new script that I didn't like. We were in my office when a huge bouquet of flowers suddenly came in, and Mike looked out from behind it and said they were for me. This was certainly not new as I often received flowers from fans, but it usually happened after a show, not during rehearsals. I asked for the card and read:

 

I am waiting for you!

 

My face must have looked very funny because my actors looked at me for a moment and then burst out laughing.

- I think we're done for tonight, see you guys tomorrow - I dismissed them with a glare.

They left without saying a word and I ran home.

 

I entered the bathroom. She was in the tub, her back turned. She had tied her hair up, leaving her neck exposed, knowing full well what effect that sight would have on me.

- It's not nice to make your wife wait so long - he scolded me as soon as he noticed my presence.

- I did it as soon as I could – I replied, approaching her while I took off my jacket.

- I'll forgive you only if you help me soap my back.

I smiled. I rolled up my shirt sleeves to my elbows and sat behind her, on the edge of the tub. I began to caress her shoulders with soap, then she bent her head back and rested it on my thigh. Her eyes were closed and she had a blissful expression that I hadn't seen in a long time.

- How are you feeling today? – I asked her.

- Much better, there's just one thing I'm missing for everything to be perfect.

- What?

- My husband!

- Freckles… you know what the doctor said, to have a little more patience.

- Mr. Graham, you forget too often that your wife is a doctor too… it's been a long time now and I can assure you that everything is fine. Why don't you come and keep me company? Don't make me ask… and besides, you're all wet by now! – he concluded, suddenly turning around and spilling a whole jug of water on me.

We stayed in the tub until the water got too cold, then I lifted her and carried her to our bed where we stayed for I don't know how long.

- You did it on purpose, right? You know me too well by now – I asked her, still holding her tightly in my arms.

- What are you referring to?

- To find you in the tub, with your hair up and your neck on display. You know the effect that has on me from the first time!

- What first time?

- Well… in the woods, on the day of the May Festival, when I caught you taking off Romeo's dress to put on Juliet's, my Juliet!

- Now that I think about it, you never told me what you saw that day.

- Enough!

- What does “just enough” mean?

- Enough to… risk falling out of the tree!

- Terence!!!! You're a scoundrel!

- “Villano” is the adjective you used if I'm not mistaken.

- Too little!

- I assure you it was enough… enough to be definitively and irremediably bewitched by you! The vision of your shoulders and your naked back caressed by a ray of sunlight filtering through the branches has tormented my nights for months and I will never forget it!

- You always manage to fool me! – he exclaimed playing on my chest with his fingers.

- You too… we're even – I told her before taking possession of her lips again and not only that.

We continued to cuddle for a while, then I remembered something that had happened when she was still in the hospital that I hadn't told her about.

- I saw the Duke.

- Do you mean your father?

- Yes.

- When?

- The day after you were admitted… I was in the hospital chapel, you had a very high fever. At one point a man sat down next to me. I turned around and… it's strange, as soon as I saw him…

- You were glad he was there, weren't you?

- Well yeah… he didn't do or say anything, he just stayed next to me. I knew he was there and I felt that whatever I asked of him he would do it.

- But you didn't ask him anything!

- No.

- And then you never saw him again?

- When we left the chapel, a nurse came to find me to tell me that you were better, the fever had gone down and at that moment he disappeared. I even thought it was a hallucination, then… the day you came home he sent me a note telling me that he was very happy that things had turned out for the best.

- Wouldn't you like to see him again and maybe talk to him?

- I don't know... maybe. However, since I became a father I think I've understood a few things: first of all that you're not born a father, nor do you become one simply by bringing a child into the world. It's a long and difficult journey in which only the people who love you can help you, a wife and a child for example. You see, when you were in the hospital, TJ and Noah gave me a lot of courage, they were a great help to me, but I don't think I helped my father much in being a father. I've always been very angry with him, I expected him to understand me but I never tried to understand him, to understand his mistakes too, because he made mistakes there's no doubt about it, but who doesn't? I was just a child then, but now... it's different.

- You could introduce him to the kids and at least give him the chance to be a grandfather… don't you think?

- Yes… I think I could… but at the moment I have other plans, what do you think, doctor?

- I say you are the best cure for me…

 

 

 

The End